There was a Ted Talk recently by Amanda Palmer, a musician who has made her way by not being afraid to ask for help.  By depending on her fans for a place to crash and eat while on tour, she developed a very loyal following. She gives her tunes away for free, asking only for a little help along the way to offset the costs of production. Her talk tells of the intimate connection that is developed between people when one is not afraid to ask, and the other is not afraid to answer.

Her message got me to thinking about our industry. So many times in my career I have been helped both directly and indirectly by fellow superintendents. Whether it was through a mentor, a fellow super from a nearby course, or from one a half a world away, asking and receiving guidance has allowed me to grow both personally and professionally. There have been times when it was tough, but learning that it was okay to ask for help has made a huge difference for me both as a green keeper and as a person.

For many of us asking for help is viewed as a sign of weakness. If we can't do it ourselves, we will just keep bashing away until we get it close enough. It's either our way or our way.  Now you can call it what you will; pride, stubbornness, ego... it doesn't really matter, all it does is hold us back. If we are not open to new ways of approaching the problems we face every day, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes for eternity. The accumulation of these mistakes usually ends up in job loss, confusion, and bitterness.

The times we get stuck are the times in our lives that are ripe for growth. Admitting that we don't know how to tackle a problem is not a sign of weakness... it's a sign of wisdom. We are surrounded by a world of people who are willing to help at the drop of a hat. Just think about it in reverse... if someone came to you needing help, would you hesitate to lend them a hand? Would you think them weak and incompetent because they needed advice? One would hope not.

Allowing yourself the space to "not know" can be a powerful tool in your life. It not only teaches us humility, but it can empower us to press forward and learn a new skill. It also indirectly helps the person who helps us out, because who doesn't feel good when you help someone?

So the next time you get stumped, ask for help. Go on line (TurfNet would be a good start), phone a colleague, or ask your crew (they know more than you think). The solution to your problem may just be a simple question away... you just have to be willing to ask.

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Okay, now that you have a few more holes in your vocabulary because of last weeks post (Speak No Evil), its time we start to talk about filling the voids. It doesn't take a whole lot of effort... just choose one word to focus on and use it a little more often.

As with many things, the more you focus on something, the more things like it start to show up in your life.

Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so he is." Publilius Syrus

Words, phrases and actions can work both ways. We spoke of the power of their negative attributes, but they can also be just as powerful when used in a more positive sense.  

There is no need to broadcast any changes you plan to make to your vocabulary; in fact, it is a much more meaningful social experiment to simply focus on incorporating a couple of core words into your speech and watch how those around you respond.

Here we go:

• Thank you - There is not one word that is better than all the rest, but saying thanks ranks close to the top. Try using it with the crew, even for just the simplest of things, such as a well raked bunker and they will respond in kind. Cultivating a spirit of gratitude in life helps everyone realize how many things there are to be thankful for every day.
• Humility - Now this is more a state of mind than a word, but it is no less important. I never met anyone that was doing that much better than the rest of us because they thought they were better than everyone else.  If you don't practice humility in our line of work, mother nature will let you know sooner or later.
• Smile - Again, I know that this is an action not a word, but you will be amazed how those around you respond to a simple smile. Even strangers react differently when you look up and smile instead of walking by with your head down.
• How can I help? helping others and giving of yourself is one of the most important things you can do with your life. Whether its lending a hand to a fellow superintendent in a jam or volunteering at your local soup kitchen, helping others helps you more than you know.
• I love you - Maybe it would be best not to say this to everyone on the crew, but you could definitely stand to say it more often to those who matter most in your personal life. Our families deal with a lot because of our jobs, so take the time to let them know how much they mean to you. It creates a better environment in your home if everyone is reminded how much they are loved.
• Nothing - This may sound counter-intuitive, but often times the best thing to say is nothing at all. If you are silent then a lot of good things must be happening. You are not saying anything negative, you are not engaged in mindless gossip, and -- best of all -- you are listening.  The simple act of listening is hands down one of the most important skills we can practice when managing people. 

Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom."    Francis Bacon

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The words we use every day have a direct impact on how we think about things, and consequently our general outlook on life. Consider the following quote:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Our language also directly affects others, in both good and bad ways. Words can be helpful and encouraging, but sometimes they can be aggressive, judgmental, or even downright mean. A lot has to do with the context in which they are used, and sometimes their meaning can get lost in translation. We can be quick to dole out phrases that might not have the intended effect, leaving others to interpret them as they will. It is often times this grey area of interpretation that leaves us open to misunderstandings.

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Our lives are governed by stories. We have our personal ones, our family lore, the stories of our nations, and the stories of the world as a whole. These tales can tell us much about who we are as individuals, and if we can listen carefully we can use the narrative to create change for the better.

Unfortunately the people of the United States and the world are confronted with yet another tragic story, one which is all too familiar and laced with unimaginable pain and suffering. These events leave nations struggling to come to grips with the new reality left in their wake and cause us to wonder, why?

These events leave nations struggling to come to grips with the new reality left in their wake and cause us to wonder, why?

Senseless tragedies such as the Boston Marathon bombing and the school shooting in Connecticut stop us in our tracks. They leave us groundless and terrified in not only the present moment, but also in what they mean for our collective futures. They bring us to a place of collective grief and leave us wondering what we can do to help. Tales of average people going above and beyond to help strangers in the midst of these tragedies are the threads that hold us together. They form our story of human connection. If we can let these events touch our hearts, thereby fueling our compassion and strengthening the human bond, then the losses are not totally in vain.

Through reflection we must also search our national stories for answers.  Home of the brave, the true north, strong, and free... these are the words we have all grown up reciting; words which we learned from our ancestors who helped build our nations. But how does reality stack up to those ideals, and what were those ideals actually rooted in?

We are taught from an early age that everyone has the chance to make it in the developed world, that we all have a chance at our own slice of the  national dream, but is this really the case? We speak of equality, opportunity, and compassion for our fellow man... but do our lives reflect this dream?

The cynic might say, 'not a chance'. Turn on any news channel, watch a reality TV show, or strike up a political discussion; any of these demonstrate clearly that the real story we are living is one of division and competition. We have national campaigns against bullying, yet any child can see that many adults use threats and intimidation every day to get what they want.

We speak of equality, opportunity, and compassion for our fellow man... but do our lives reflect this dream?

We are taught to see those who do not fit our story as the unreal other. We uphold societal norms which implicitly keep them out of our story, through rationalizations of fear such as national security concerns.

It is high time to start asking ourselves which parts of our national stories are leaving some in our world so marginalized that they resort to unspeakable acts of violence in order to convey their message and make their presence known. Something clearly is not working. We need to step back and examine the entire story and how it is being told and retold every day.  Who does the narrative really serve? Does it help the entire nation, or does it only benefit those who stand to profit from it? How can we be more open to reworking the story so that our value systems reflect a more equitable division of the national dream?

All those who suffer losses as a result of such tragedies need our compassion and love. But maybe they also need us to start to question the story a bit, even if it's just enough to start a more meaningful dialogue -- one that provides the impetus for change. The kind of real change that is necessary to prevent these tragedies from occurring again. 

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