This is the time of year when people find reasons to list what they are thankful for.

I’ve never been much for doing what everyone does. And I’m not real big on lists either. The creative types and Perez Hiltons of the world are apt to take the opportunity to list what they aren’t thankful for. Some of them don’t seem to be thankful for much of anything.

In further evolution of the species, a lot of people seem to be thankful for is the ability to miss the annual family show down. The option is to stand in line at Wal-mart all day Thursday for the Black Friday deals.

I’ve got something left over in my brain from Mad Magazine or something like that wherein I often think of things as Hot and Not . You know, kind of an ongoing brew of what’s really happening and what is to dislike.

Here it is in list form, because this blog won’t Vulcan Mind Meld as of yet:

Hot:

1. Apple Products. You can’t deny the innovation.
2. Foster The People. Great band, great guys, including my friend Sean Cimino on guitar.
3. Mini Cooper. If there’s ever a car for the future, the Mini has made a statement.
4. Phosphites. Nothing has made more of a difference in more spray programs.
5. Organic Fertilizers. Never a better time for choices and cost-effectiveness.

Not So Hot:

1. Professional Sports. Yes, you all don’t make enough money—so stop playing and go work in the chosen profession of your college major.
2. The Irrigation Industry. Control Systems=FAIL. (see #1 above for an option). Cost=FAIL (if we are ever gonna build golf again it has to be different).
3. Hybrid Cars. Sorry Prius and Voltheads, but #3 above and the TDI and small turbo engines from VW, BMW and Ford are winners without 900 pounds of battery cells to worry about.
4. General Managers. That’s right, ask for your Super to save the club another hundred grand.
5. Trade Shows. I’ve never really understood them, but even the big ones are on life suppport. Ever meet a vendor that likes a good trade show?

I’m pretty sure that neither one of those lists covers it. But it is a fun exercise to put your mind around. For most people the cold list is much easier than the hot list.

Personally, I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot that needs to change. Isn’t that always the case? Most of all, I’m thankful for the friends and clients that I’m close with. Those people who have embraced Turfheadism, not as a disease to be hidden from our “non Green” friends and unturfheadlike families are unique and wonderful. Who couldn’t be thankful for them and those like them (us)?

I’m convinced that one of the main reasons that Turfheads dont embrace the concept of application of Organic Fertilizers is pretty simple—It Stinks.

Seriously. Who really wants to offend the olfactory senses of the Tuesday 9-Hole Ladies Group after a wonderful application of decomposition on Monday? It’s a pretty easy answer, that one. We’ll get to the should you or should you not use and how to use organics later. For now, a few tips on dealing with the assault on the nose that stops people from doing something great.

Tip #1: Pick Right. What a product’s parent material is composted of is going to affect the nose. And if it’s not handled very well in the assembly, it’s not going to handle itself well in the nostrils. And an odor of any kind of Ammonia is a dead giveaway that something isn’t right. If it snaps your head back like smelling salts, its all wrong… Stay away.

Tip #2: Date Right. You’ve found what you think is the perfect product. Instead of bringing in a truckload, how about taking a couple bags, preferably not next to the house where they hate your 5am start time and spread a little and see what sort of kiss you get. You need to calibrate the spreader anyway, right? Turn on a sprinkler after you spread it and see what getting it wet does. Go out the next morning and use your nose. Half of getting it right is knowing what it does.

Tip #3: Marry Right. Courtship has gone well, you know the one that brung you to the dance and the smells you are gonna get and you can afford the dowry, so now buying, storing and applying should all be pretty easy. If this one smells a bit at time of application, but water fixes that, then you have your answer. If the dry smell is benign, but water brings up a bit of a flare, you know what to do and when to do it. Organic products require a little thinking and even though they may not be the most beautiful at the dance, the performance later is worth using the veil.

His product of choice would go down and right after, he would apply some Gypsum and then a fertility spray with some Molasses. Ding. A whole new way to keep the bedroom interesting and the smell was gone.

Tip #4: Talk Right. It’s time to be creative when you have to do what you have to do. This is why the dating phase is so critical, you know what’s coming. Inside of this communication. It’s not a bad idea to let everyone know what you know what you are doing. If the application just has to go out when it has to go out, make sure you’ve communicated well and talked about the great benefits and complete safety some new odors might give. 

Tip #5: Create Right. I’ll never forget a Turfhead who had some troubles with what the golfers were saying about his organic fertility program coming up with a great idea. His product of choice would go down and right after, he would apply some Gypsum and then a fertility spray with some Molasses. Ding. A whole new way to keep the bedroom interesting and the smell was gone. Creative and fun and worth the effort, no one complained again. Often adding some other carbons and some minerals of your own acts as a wonderful filter for the nose. Beyond simple.

There’s 5 quick tips to help you help yourself and make a difference in dealing with an Organic Fertilizer, when you know it’s the right thing to do. Now go hug that pretty new bride of yours, even though she smells!

There are times when it is just too much fun to get some credit and by goodness we don’t get enough.

When everything and everyone does what they should in event golf, then a lot of people nod their heads and say, “Yup, that’s what was supposed to happen”. That’s not true. If you’ve ever seen what goes on at a huge golf event, then you understand that really just about every decision is about keeping something from going wrong or keeping someone from jacking something up. What is supposed to happen is a course-wide total implosion where each and every golfer and corporate event tent gets sucked into the pump station inlet live on the Golf Channel. That’s what supposed to happen. Keeping it from happening at a Major is doing the job and doing it right.

David Feherty is a nutball, but he’s my kind of nutball and so seeing this video makes me happy. For Ken and Kasey and every last TurfHead involved, congratulations for an outstanding event.

Take a look at what Feherty has to say:

My twitter feed started going off and then emails and then texts.

All of it about AAC and reports, big ugly reports of big ugly damage. It was this tweet that seemed to be at the heart of it all:

@KellyTilghmanGC Kelly Tilghman

‘Major’ hiccup: Maintenance crew takes chunk out of front right portion of the 17th green at the PGA Championship with mower.

Now, you know you love Kelly. Everyone does because she got her job because of that great radio voice of her’s, right?

And when Kelly tweets, a lot of people listen. And the word spread. Quickly, because that’s what this new viral social monkey media does. It broadcasts all kinds of crap that people say in all kinds of ways and about most of it is complete BS and some of it interesting and a tiny bit has facts and all of it is designed to make you think something or perhaps make you think that you are in the know. Fine.

But there’s this disgusting TMZ type race going on with this. Where it’s like someone has to make a big deal out of seeing Lindsey Lohan get out of a limo. In this case, an equipment failure. Now, raise your hands, Turfheads, if you’ve had some kind of crazy freak thing go on at an event of whatever size. Exactly. Stuff happens. And I have to admit going on a google search for pictures. Wasn’t anything right away, but not long after, Geoff Shackelford’s Golf Digest Blog belched out this.

Ok so now some cat has pulled out their smart phone and whammo….pictures out in cyberland.  And because blogs often bring out the worst in usual anonymous trolls, check this out from the comments:

The damage is the result of a rise in the dew point? It sounds like something Cliff Claven would conjure up.
It looks a lot worse that “brush damage” – it looked like there was about five pounds of sod that was turned over.

08.10.2011 | Marky Mark

Marky Mark. Nice. Isn’t that just special. But you’d expect that from the 12 year old going on 45 who probably hangs out on Golf Club Atlas and so…big whatever. Stupid drivel, but whatever.

Our friend Kelly T wasn’t done yet. She had to take the “official” word from the PGA and give it just a hint of doubt.

@KellyTilghmanGC Kelly Tilghman
PGA of America says greens on 14th & 17th holes suffered damage from mowers but it has been ‘fully’ repaired & won’t affect play.

Now I’ve known Ken Mangum as an Icon in the biz of grass for a long time—I don’t know him well, but I know him. I know him better via the good coverage he’s gotten leading up to the tourney. He’s a strong soul and he’s smart enough to have Kasey Kauff and a bunch of other great folks on staff at AAC. And he’s got a bevy of great people volunteering. All of them good hearted. And in looking at those pics, most all of us have fixed that kind of thing at one point in time or another. Obviously no one wants to go through the drill, but they do. It’s part of the job. And I think that’s the part that mainstream media doesn’t get. Why? Because they haven’t been there to see it. Oh, but wait… now they are. Via the magic of Twitter and Smart Phones. OMG!, I mean like…take the picture of Kimmy K, the dress might come flying off any second.

It sickens me that in a couple hours, this is all that anyone will be able to talk about, the damage to 14 and 17 and what it means to the security of the tourney, the players and the world financial markets and the price of Trout Chow. If ever there was a time to get a life, here it is.

And to be brutally honest, I found myself circling the drain too. Looking for the inside dirt and texting with folks about what really happened and triple checking my twitter feed. Took a few minutes for me to catch myself and really ask, “Who Cares?”. And that’s the truth. Who really cares? I’m sure Dew Point or not, the guy mowing that green was vomiting his guts out at the thought of this happening to his (and I mean “His” because we all know that when you mow a green for a big event, it damn well better be yours) green.

Malfunction, be it wardrobe or greens brush brings up all kinds of thoughts. We all wanna know how what happened and I’m sure they have figured it out and we will get the official word from Mr. Mangum via all kinds of press. And the tweets will continue and the media will jabber this to absolute smithereens.

So my hat is off to Ken and Kasey and the whole gang at AAC because they not only had to beat it to fix this before play on thursday, but they had to beat the tweeters and bloggers who just had to have the scoop. Somehow that kind of access inside the ropes just doesn’t do much more for me than think that Kelly and Company needs to take a shower and clean themselves up. And you think of all peeps, she would know better and would keep away from throwing others under the bus of media attention. Remember her comments about Tiger?

I’m a huge fan of rolling and it’s time, you monkey, to roll!

And I think that this time the art of doing something that a lot of us have said was good is actually going to be backed by the Science. At the Sierra Pacific Spring Symposium 2011 (where Herr Maestro Mac was the Keynote Speaker), Oregon State’s Dr. Rob Golembiewski (aka G11) talked about his work with rolling. Yes, Frank, we have Turf Schools out west with running water and indoor plumbing and everything!

You can see a presentation a lot like the one he gave to use that day, here at the OSU field day. And for the most part, I was on the edge of my seat, because for years, I’ve known that rolling is good and that we just mow too much sometimes.

Ok so, first off, a lot of you reading this don’t have a roller. Step One…get one. They are out there in all kinds of flavors and prices and ways to make it work. It’s essential gear right up there with cup cutters and food for the goose dog. Seriously, the modern golf course needs a roller or two. Simple.

Oh, and did I mention that you might actually be able to raise your HoC and keep some speed for the Ladies 9-hole championship in August? You actually might.

Step Two (which might be Step One for some of you) use the thing(s). I don’t get why dust collection is OK for rollers. Use them. Dr. G11 and some others are saying every other day rolling and mowing, especially during stress periods is a good thing. So train up more than one guy on the crew to run the thing, change the oil and get it out of the back corner of the shop. It deserves a better spot, right up near the Bar-B-Que Grill (or Brisket Smoker if you are in Texas).

Step Three, park the mowers. Like Lemonaide with Ice Tea, we tend to think that we can’t have one without the other. That’s just not true. Especially with greens under good growth regulation or some other form of management that has the baskets on the greensmowers less full than ever. You really can lay off the mowing when you aren’t growing much grass.

That’s it. Three easy steps to a much easier time this summer. Oh, and did I mention that you might actually be able to raise your HoC and keep some speed for the ladies 9-hole championship in August? You actually might. But don’t believe me. Do the work with the stimp meter and roll some balls and see for yourself. I think you’ll find out what a lot of us have known for a while now. Especially since rolling equipment has gotten so good.

Derby Time! Time for a little Stress Management.

For the sake of discussion spanning geography, lets just assume that in most climates, at some point, push-up or all sand greens need to be flushed. Today I’m thinking about the word Flush and what it means to different people at different times. In the field, if I ask 10 supers how much water a flush means to them, I’ll get 10 answers ranging for 10 min to 10 hours. Seriously? The math is pretty easy in the simple form so lets do it together.

Lets say we have 5,000 square feet of a 12 inch rootzone at 45% total pore space. A typical sand based green. That means I have 2250 cubic feet of pore space (sq ft x ft depth x pore space). Water is 7.48 gallons per cubic foot. So to get to Field Capacity in this example we take 2250 x 7.48=16,830 gallons (cu. ft. of pore space x gal per cu. ft =gallons to field capacity). If I fill these pores, pretty soon the forces of gravity take over and much like grabbing the handle on the toilet, BAM, there’s a flush. A rush of air into the rootzone and the bad stuff either hits the drain tile or goes to the next perched water table.

Our 16,830 gallons has to be applied and in this particular example, we have 4 heads covering this green and all 4 do 28 gpm and they are part circle sprinklers. We would double the GPM (assuming that they are exactly half circles…they never are but, we have to have an example). So that’s 4 x 56 or 224 gpm. We need to put out 16,830 gallons so our run time here would be 75 min (gallons needed/gpm=run time).

So if you tell me that you usually run green 6-8 min and today you flushed with 12 min, I’m gonna teach you this math because you are a Faux Flusher…an Irrigation Drag Queen. And this is an on paper calculation, the truth is with things like part circles that are more than 50% arc, leaching fraction and the like, you are probably closer to 120 min in the real world of this example. In fact, I think that the Faux Flush is probably one of the most damaging things that you can do. It often only makes things wetter, never gets to a real flush where the air gets exchanged and the surface actually might become firmer.

Consistently, when I talk about a flush and we see the real numbers, I’ll hear something to the tune of, “If I turn on heads for

more than 4 min, the water just runs off”. I’m sure that’s true with the daily double cutting and rolling and the like today and ideas like venting being something that not everyone gets, infiltration rates are bound to be minimal in the upper rootzone. However, when hydraulics and gravity and adhesion/cohesion take over in the presence of more water being applied, there’s a pull that happens. Think about it from a rain event perspective. The greens always puddle at the start of the rain event, but after several hours of rain, they don’t do it as much. Oh, and does any of this inspire you all with sand amended push-ups to want to have drainage? Not a bad color of lipstick for you to try.

I thought I might stimulate your mind on a pretty important topic. Don’t be a Faux Flushing Drag Queen.

I’ve got some definite ideas as it comes to pre-stress and early-stress conditioning of fairways.

The first of these ideas is to use a growth regulator. If you’ve never done this or fiddled with doing it, it can be some of the best money spent for a dramatic result.

Primo Maxx is my personal favorite first step. I realize that there are as many ways to use this material as there are breeds of monkeys, so for you creative monkey breeders out there, hang with me. You might see an organ ground by something that you’ve never seen before.

Timing is critical with Primo. To be good with it, you have to understand the Rule of Twenty-One which should keep you out of the two biggest Primo blunders. The first part of this rule is that the material must be left on the leaf blade for at least 21 min. That’s simple. Don’t spray and water in right away. $ down the drains. The second part is understanding that after 21 days, you are essentially “back to zero” as far as growth regulation. Part 2(a) of the rule is that the period past 21 days is where there’s a bit of a pendulum swing… an increase in growth. This can be good or bad, depending on how you use your timing. When to start? That’s easy. When you can. Now.

So you’ve consulted the schedule and your equipment. You’ve selected the right nozzles (I like the TeeJet Air Induction units) and the sprayer is calibrated. For most cool season situations and a lot of warm season setups as well, we start with 17 oz. per acre (.39 oz. per 1000) and repeat this between 17 and 21 days later. Second app is usually a little stronger at 21 oz. per acre (.48 oz. per 1000). That’s rule of thumb, but a pretty good starting place. Oh, and as little water as possible per 1000 is also a good idea.

To be good with it, you have to understand the Rule of Twenty-One which should keep you out of the two biggest Primo blunders…

In a perfect world, you’d make your apps every 21 days to stay in regulation. If you’d like to cycle a bit longer int0 28-31 days, just remember that you are falling into that recovering growth period. Having this happen when you are trying to slick up fairways for the Fall High Handicap Classic might not be the best time to have a big increase in clippings. However, if you are good with the calendar and your 21-31 post Primo window has an aerification event or comes at the end of your nitrogen release curve, you’ve earned the Merit Badge.

There’s been a lot of talk about what goes in the tank with Primo apps. First consideration is to consult my Rule of 21. If it can’t be left on the leaf blade for at least 21 min, it doesn’t have any biz in the tank. From there, there aren’t many rules. A lot of people like to have some N and some Iron in the tank, but economics of many things have changed what’s available to spend. I like to keep it simple. Usually .1 lbs of N per 1000, 2-3 oz. of Kelp Extract or a product like Earthwork’s Sea3 and maybe a little bit of Iron from a Urea Bond product or Ferrous Sulfate. Simple.

Alright so…lets do the math. In my part of the world the agency price on Primo Maxx in a 10 gal link pack is $2758.73 ($2.155 per oz.) Let’s do the fairways at The Happy Monkey Golf and Unicycle Club which are 37 Acres.

Our first app at 17 oz per acre goes down for a total cost of  $36.64 per acre which means the 37 wonderful acres at HMGUC get treated for $1355.50. The second app at 21 oz spends the money that the Head Sandwich Maker wants for new Banana Split Dishes at the rate of $1674.45.

If we look at the calendar, we have room for the first two apps and two more before the Snow Monkeys fly south, so total cost of this program is about $6378.80. For The Monkey Club, this is a lot of bananas. Mowing fuel and labor. This is pretty tangible. If we figure two units hitting fairways even one day less per week at 7 gallons of fuel burn per hour in a 4 hour period (28 gallons less per week @$4.10 per gallon) that’s a minimum savings JUST IN FUEL of $115 and in a 14 week program that’s $1607 lopped off the top of the chemical cost. And most supers won’t actually “save” the labor $, they will use it wisely somewhere else to keep up with the summer demands.

Now I understand that we can do the numbers all day long. Capital equipment costs, labor costs, Marking foam, etc. making us go blind using spreadsheets. But for me, the idea of using a growth regulator comes into the agronomy of having a better plant, a better surface, using a few less inputs, perhaps not needing a “rescue” application and doing less to fiddle with it. When seen through those specs, it kind of pays for itself. Perhaps even a couple times over.

So there’s this Turfhead’s look at using Primo on fairways to rock the pre- and early-stress conditioning that most of you should be thinking about at this very instant!