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Randy Wilson, Here at the 'Rock

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Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

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BrokeBack CC And The 80 Year Old Cart Boy From Hell

The following is an abridged excerpt from my upcoming book, "Next, We Kill The Golf Pro". As a decorated veteran of several vicious Golf Maintenance/Clubhouse wars, the worst in my memory was The Great BrokeBack CC Conflict and it was all triggered by an 80 year old cart boy . . . or maybe it was me. BrokeBack CC was a disaster: Hundreds of irrigation leaks from a numbskull hydraulic design, 18 dead bent greens suffering from simazine applied by a lunatic, a crew of nuts, crazies and tw

March 18, 2014

1

The Green Molester Whose Name Begins With "A"

This month's Turpentine Corncob Award goes to a shoe company. I am reluctant to say their name, for unlike other golf industry news organizations, we have a big sister publication that likes to sell advertising to folks that make golfer stuff. I do not wish to anger ad sales people, for they can be fiercely territorial, so I will just say this: There are golf shoes out there molesting greens. I will call them "A" and if you give me a few minutes, I will offer a strategy to deal with these

March 12, 2014

0

Certification Scam Exposed!

Rockbottum is rocked by scandal, graft and palace intrigue! Watch as Buddy and Dave become embroiled in conflict while RW blathers on about historical precedents.

March 2, 2014

6

Web Cam In A Tree

Ever thought about installing a Web Cam in a Tree? We got the idea while reading a TurfNet Forum post by the always brilliant Fred Gehrisch. In this special Rockbottum CC, Tips and Tricks film, we show you exactly what is involved when installing a web cam in a fairway tree.

February 20, 2014

0

The Dark Side of GIS

Gangs, Emasculating Apps, Twitter Zombies and Skiddly-Diddly. These things and more were witnessed by the Rockbottum TV crew at GIS. It must be said, we have been extremely positive about our experience at The Big Show, portraying the GIS in the best possible light. We completely banished all negative thoughts and energy from our previous VLOG broadcast. But make no mistake, there was a Dark Side. Upon arriving at the Center, we discovered our booth assignment was out in the parking l

February 16, 2014

8

Rockbottum CC Favorites at GIS '14

Due to lax OPSEC procedures at GCSAA or possibly a disturbance in the space-time continuum, the Rockbottum CC TV crew was awarded media credentials for GIS 2014! We moved quickly, before they realized what they had done, and hopped in Buddy's truck for the ride to Orlando. Here is our first report filed from Orlando:

February 9, 2014

0

Warning! Some Tips & Tricks Have Adverse Effects!

Since the last few training films from Rockbottum CC have been so deadly serious, we decided to lighten up a smidgen and offer an important warning tainted with a nanogram of silliness. After all, there will be plenty of serious next week in Mouse Town.

January 28, 2014

3

My Best Career Advice Came From A Rock Star

Once upon a time, during my incarceration as a teenage migrant golf worker, I ran off. Yes, I went over the wall, leaving Dad without a cup-changing, greensmowing night waterman. Since childhood--possibly toddler-hood--I had been mowing and swing-blading dark-to-dark every summer. I had excavated so many irrigation holes that I felt like Charles Bronson digging tunnels in a WWII Stalag escape movie. I feared career burnout at age 17, so . . . "Do it for free and the doors will open.

January 22, 2014

6

Film School 101 For The GCS

Here at The Rock, we've seen a significant increase in requests for information on video production. Video can be an important component in the Golf Course Superintendent's set of skills, especially in the area of communication. In true TurfNet style, we want to help. The following video is the first in a series designed to make the GCS a little more familiar with video terminology, production techniques and the range of equipment involved in producing good quality video. There will

January 16, 2014

0

Top Turf Tool at Rockbottum CC?

The #1 tool for great turf is almost always the mind of the golf course superintendent. Here at The Rock, we don't have a superintendent with a great mind, all we have is . . . me. Therefore, we must rely on our Top Turf Tool, the Chainsaw. Watch the following Rockbottum CC training film* to learn important secrets for success with your turf. *Note: This video has been buried in the archival vault (an old whiskey barrel near the wash rack) and we recently resurrected, re-edited and

January 9, 2014

0

It's 2014! Watch The Buddy 'n Randy Show!

Rockbottum Country Club TV is back for 2014 with The Buddy 'n Randy Show, for what was supposed to be a comprehensive look at the coming year in golf. Somehow, Buddy knocked us off the rails with his inability to focus, so we will try again next week on the comprehensive thing. The following VIDEO is worth negative CEUs, so I wouldn't mention it to anyone.

January 2, 2014

1

A GCS New Year's Rez That Will Work

Repeat after me, I (your name here) resolve to get rid of that tree (or trees) responsible for the epic all day frost, the weak turf, the surface roots, the buckled path, the increased need for spray apps and the various tree stuff caught in the reels and dragged across the green. That's a pretty attainable New Year's Resolution. Even if you just get one tree, you win. I know, I've counseled 'Pick Your Battles' for years, but this is one of those line-in-the-sand fights that often deter

December 30, 2013

0

Christmas Can Be Tough

This Christmas, as you enjoy the warmth of bright lights, colors, grand feasts and fleeting moments of memories of childhood, take a moment to remember our active-duty military out there far from home. Even for hardened troops, Christmas can be a rough time; loneliness tends to creep in, no matter how many others are nearby. For military families with young children and a loved one on deployment, a feeling of emptiness stands ready to overwhelm the festive aura. Let's remember our ac

December 23, 2013

0

Billy Jack is Dead

A few days ago, my aging dumb-phone was overwhelmed with a barrage of text messages, all worded the same: Billy Jack is Dead. There are quite a few folks aware that the character of Billy Jack was my hero and role model and they wanted to sympathize with me. Joe, my best buddy from high school, (Known as Jo-dell in Rockbottum Land) assured me he was handling the news in an honorable way, by wearing a black tee shirt, blue jean jacket and walking smartly around the house singing "One Tin So

December 20, 2013

3

Has The Lust For Hi-Tech Injured Golf?

The Powers-That-Be in Golf do not want you to see this video. We stumbled across this film while preparing to celebrate the anniversary of the date TurfNet first told us to shoot a video. The date was 15 December, 2005, and the video was Golf Car Control. That first short film ended up getting over 100,000 hits and without thinking clearly, TurfNet asked for more. The video you are about to see followed Golf Car Control, but was quickly suppressed and buried deep in the vault, due t

December 11, 2013

2

The Night Belongs to Charlie

Momma has a standard method for dealing with NTV events. (Nocturnal Teenage Vandalism) I've never figured out how her method works, but I do know it dates back to her military service. Momma was in one of those PSYWAR/PSYOP units and refuses to do things in a direct manner.

December 4, 2013

0

Rockbottum Training Videos Rise Again

A few months ago, our training videos suffered a drastic drop in sales. We quickly determined the cause to be that McCord fellow's golf-specific safety training videos. He has usurped our share of the market at the top of the training video world, so, in true info-mercial form, we are retaliating with a veritable blizzard of marketing, propaganda and borderline untruths.

November 27, 2013

2

Banned Rockbottum Film Resurfaces!

"Too Many Hats", the video once ordered destroyed and later banished to gather dust in the Rockbottum CC vault, has returned for a short run. For our Holiday Feature Film Fest, we salvaged what was left of "Too Many Hats"* and now offer it to you for entertainment while you feast on a turkey deep-fried in a trash can full of boiling oil. "Too Many Hats" guest stars Peter, Jon Kiger, John Reitman, Dr. Nilknarf, Buddy, Esmarelda, Anthony Williams, Mike Mendias, Momma, Johnny Merrick, a fly

November 22, 2013

0

Random Bursts of Rockbottum Logic

While it is easy for the international Golf Course Superintendent Community to get the wrong impression of Rockbottum CC, we strive to present an accurate image of our golf course, our personnel and our philosophy of golf course operations. Our reputation as Ivy League intellectuals dabbling in daily fee golf merely to produce entertainment is a fallacy. We are not just producing entertainment. We are a literal treasure trove of brilliant minds, a conflagration of golf philosophers, sav

November 19, 2013

2

Digital or Vinyl? Frigid or Warm?

Ludell Hogwaller is this week's guest commentator. When a skirmish breaks out like the one on the TurfNet Forum concerning the audio validity of analogic vinyl music in relations with digitized recorded media, I have to jump in with both achilles heels. I can easily comprehend folks falsely claiming that friction driven gang mowers are obsolete or debating as to whether the Night Waterman will ever be a viable career, but I cannot sit idly by and listen to vinyl music suffer slander at t

November 11, 2013

5

Does Shade Tolerant Bermuda Exist?

As a GCS, I dealt with many of the same challenges that the modern superintendent handles on a daily basis: Disease pressure, irrigation breaks on Friday afternoon, other courses stealing my equipment tech and members suffering from Augusta Syndrome well into October. But the one thing that beat me was shade. I could grow bent in the shade, and fescue and St. Augustine and Centipede, but I was never able to grow good bermuda in shade. I removed a great deal of golf course shade, often

November 6, 2013

0

Fixin' Golf--Tactic #22: SPEEDY GOLF

Walter Hayduke, the newly elected Green Chair at Rockbottum CC, returned from the TurfNet Bandon Dunes Trip, convinced he had witnessed the future of golf. Walter was so enthused by what he saw at Bandon, he became a Speedy Golf Evangelist and rewrote the Rules of Golf and the Rockbottum CC Employee handbook on the bus ride home. Speedy Golf is now mandatory for all Rockbottum employees and Ludell was forced to produce the following training video explaining how golf can now be properly

October 30, 2013

0

Rockbottum News Headlines: Stop Ash Boring!

In this week's news show, the Rockbottum CC expert news analysts have issued a warning for Ash Borers and golf management company CEOs with quirky ideas: Stop. Buddy returns, we put forth a Rockbottum Apology for twisting important name pronunciation and also included in this week's segment . . . The Brilliantest TurfNet Forum Quote of the Week and another gem from SuperProblems on Twitter.

October 24, 2013

2

Halloween at Rockbottum CC: The Hawg Haint

It's time for a spooky story about golf maintenance and if you are the first one to name the scariest part of the following horror video, I will personally buy you a beer at the Beer & Pretzels party.

October 16, 2013

5

October News, Tips and Email

Even though Buddy disappeared while on Night Waterman duty* and hasn't been seen in weeks, Rockbottum CC remains on top of the looming water issue with news and irrigation tips. *Note: Our upcoming Halloween segment will reveal what happened to Buddy in lurid detail.

October 10, 2013

5

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