I do. Televised golf is supposed to be 20 minutes per hour of election dysfunction commercials where folks sit in tubs and watch sunsets, 30 minutes of putting and putt stalking, two minutes of interviews with sponsor CEOs and the remaining 11 minutes devoted to at least two tear-jerking human interest stories.
The Masters mind control experts have once more, ripped the tried and true programming strategy apart and forced us to watch more golf.
They claim they’re giving us four minutes of commercials per hour, but I think it feels more like two minutes.
I hate to complain, but in the last two days of Masters TV, I’ve forgotten the names of all the pharmacrucibles that I need, mostly because I have to be endlessly reminded as to which of the various concoctions I should ask my doctor about.
I live in fear of taking the wrong potion, like the time I took the blue one to keep me from wetting my britches in public again, but I ended up in the ER, proudly boasting,
“I’m way past four hours, what’s the record?”
Anyway, for those of you suffering from commercial withdrawal pains, here’s a commercial that will soothe your jangled nerves and help you solve one of golf’s greatest problems: