I recently read a fascinating book by author, speaker, high performance coach and podcaster Michael Gervais. The name of the book is First Rule of Mastery - Stop Worrying What People Think of You. It was based off an article the Gervais had written for the Harvard Business Review years earlier (How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You). The book is a thought provoking, deep look at the effects of other people’s opinions and how we are so unconsciously controlled by them.

The basic premise of the book is centered on the fact that our fear of what others think of us is based on a very primitive part of our ancestral make up.  Basically if you got kicked out of the tribe back in the day, it was a death sentence. Fast forward to modern day and this ancient fear usually shows up in our desperate need to belong. It can permeate every facet of our existence, from what we choose to wear in the morning to having an intense fear of public speaking. This primal fear keeps us chained to outside opinions and holds us back from reaching our true potential. 

Luckily, as Gervais maps out in the book, there is an antidote to FOPO (Fear of Other’s Opinions). It starts and ends with self awareness and mindfulness. If we can acknowledge that it exists, then we can begin to shift our thoughts and approach to other’s opinions. We then realize that we have zero control over what others think. Ironically he highlights the “spotlight effect” where most people are actually so caught up in what others think of them, they simply have no time to think of you. The final tool Gervais focuses on is getting clear about your personal philosophy. When you have a strong foundational sense of your own values and philosophy, then the opinions of others simply fade into the background. 

...there is an antidote to FOPO (Fear of Other’s Opinions). It starts and ends with self awareness and mindfulness.

As I was reflecting on the content of this work, I could easily see the effects of FOPO in my own life. From an early age I discerned that in order to please others, I needed to compete and work insanely hard. While this served me well in some situations, it also instilled an erroneous, but intense feeling that I was never enough. This feeling pushed me far past a healthy lifestyle on many occasions and many times filled my world with needless stress and anxiety. 

I also was thinking about how this phenomenon shows up in our turf world. I’ve distilled down into three main categories.

 1. The Grind

As I mentioned previously, this basic fear of FOPO can push us to extremes when it comes to our work habits. Our society glorifies competition and the incessant need to grind ourselves to dust in an almost religious approach to work.  We can trick ourselves into working far too much because we believe we will be judged harshly by society if we don’t.

I see this a lot in the videos and articles that highlight turf teams lead up to major golf events (which are great by the way, I am in no way casting judgement on these necessary forms of media or the astounding efforts of these teams). The common refrain in the commentary is that these agronomy teams are constantly pushing for improvement, not just for the event, but every single day. The phrase, “we want to get better every day” is repeated again and again. Now there is nothing wrong with improvement, heck if we didn’t strive to get better then nothing would ever happen. 

We can trick ourselves into working far too much because we believe we will be judged harshly by society if we don’t.

But how many things in this world constantly push and strive to get better every day? Does a tree tell itself as its leaves appear in the spring that this season has to be better than the last? Does a child challenge themselves to “play better” than they did yesterday? Does your favorite sports team continuously improve and win every year or the stock market always go up in value? 

Obviously the answers to the above questions is no. As in nature, our lives are full of strides forward, sideways and backwards. We gain, we lose, and hopefully we learn from it. We look inside ourselves and subtract what is not necessary over time. It takes all kinds of experiences to make up a full and rich life. 

Now again I am not advocating for the status quo and not looking for ways that teams can improve and grow. All I am saying is that when we get lost in the constant need to push and grind, we can lose a small part of ourselves. 

2. The Comparison Creep

The notion that we would compare our course and its conditions to other courses in our area is nothing new. We have all been victims of the “Augusta Effect” and it’s most likely pushed us to do things that we wouldn’t have otherwise done. This phenomenon has only worsened in the age of social media. Every day we see glossy pictures of courses around the world and stories about the latest renovation in what is akin to an arms race of sorts lately. 

We have all been victims of the “Augusta Effect” and it’s most likely pushed us to do things that we wouldn’t have otherwise done.

But how does that affect our internal identity as not only a golf property, but also as a Superintendent/Course Manager? Does it leave us feeling like we are always coming up short and are lesser than? Does it push us to take on more than we can reasonably handle and compromise our well being and that of our teams? 

Again, there is nothing wrong with learning from others and using that knowledge on your own property to improve your processes or the quality of the golf experience for your members. But we need to be careful that we are not caught in that state of “never being enough” and pushing ourselves far beyond our limits. 

3. Expectations

Now I have spoken to the dangers and pitfalls of both internal and external expectations for years within the content of this blog (Great Expectation - Intentions, No Expectations, Kinder Expectations). So much so that you may be tired of hearing about it. But at a fundamental level, succumbing to unrealistic expectations is FOPO in action. When we are chained to the ridiculous expectations of members and management/ownership, we push ourselves in ways that can become unhealthy. We also internalize expectations and use them as fuel for internal judgement. 

An unhealthy relationship to expectations can also lead up down the slippery slope to the dreaded “P Word”: perfection. Nothing is ever perfect in this world, it just is. It’s only when we impose our fear and internal notion of insufficiencies that things get messy. It leaves us striving for unattainable goals and constantly operating from a state of inadequacy. 

An unhealthy relationship to expectations can also lead up down the slippery slope to the dreaded “P Word”: perfection.

I would steer you to read a great article by my good friend Chris Tritabaugh, Why I Strive for Excellence Rather Than Perfection. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve; it just has to be in proportion to reality. 

So it might be interesting for you to reflect on both your operation and personal life to evaluate whether FOPO has a foothold. As you deepen your sense of self awareness, you might see areas in your life that may be chained to the opinions and judgement of others. When you can observe and then take action to free yourself from the whims and imaginary perspectives of the rest of the world, you might just find that life is a little easier. 

Thanks for reading.