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Got Rock Trouble?


Randy Wilson

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Rock trouble on the golf course can be a real challenge.  From granite outcroppings in the fairways to boulders in the wrong place, rock can be . . . hard.  On several courses near Stone Mountain, Georgia, we battled turf-killing, reel-dinging, golf ball flinging, tine-breaking, PVC-rubbing rock for decades.  The rock always won.

Even the giant excavators were impotent when facing big, hard rock.  Oh, sure, we tried dynamite, but golf course neighbors had a tendency to complain and call the police when we  rattled their windows and dentures several times a day.  Once, a homeowner actually got angry when a cannonball-sized piece of shrapnel bounded through her yard.  But folks really got upset about the noise.

Can you imagine the 2023 golf neighbor's reaction to dynamite?

Forty years ago, people complained bitterly about explosives and it's probably worse today, even in our ultra-tolerant modern culture.

Today's homeowners and bureaucrats can hear a silenced pellet rifle at 200 meters, as well as an occasional muffled goose scream out in the darkness.  Can you imagine the 2023 golf neighbor's reaction to dynamite?  Of course, I don't really blame them, I myself am allergic to demolition.  I go all to pieces around explosives.  

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While building Rockbottum Lodge, we've been struggling for decades with really big boulders and bedrock.   Recently, however, we discovered Dexpan, a quiet method for breaking rocks.  It's some kind of expansive grout that we have been assured is environmentally safe.  I don't know for sure about that claim because everybody has been lying about that topic, even the nuclear power fiends and the electric everything Elmer Gantry types.

Here's how Dexpan works:  Wait for warm weather, rent one of those monster drills and put a few 1" holes into the rock.  Use a triangular pattern about four inches apart and don't go all the way through the rock.  Then, mix up a batch of Dexpan, fill up several of the holes and come back the next day to find rock cracked, split and shattered, like our foreign policy. 

We understand if you don't trust our tips, given our past film shenanigans, but we can all trust The Youtube, right? 

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