June was Men’s Mental Health Awareness month. I thought it timely to circle back around to this topic and once again shine a light on mental health awareness. This blog post will be focusing on the gender majority of our industry, men.  Next month it will focus on women’s experience and well being.

Back in the midst of the pandemic, there were many studies and articles about the state of mental health amongst greenkeepers, course managers and superintendents. As we adjusted post- pandemic, this issue once again slid into the background. If you think that we fixed it and it’s gone away, you would be woefully mistaken.

If you think that we fixed it and it’s gone away, you would be woefully mistaken...

As I was reflecting on this piece, I had the opportunity to watch the Netflix limited series Adolescence (Stephen Graham Interview) . This show explores the nuances of masculinity in today’s world. It was done through the lens of the story of a tragic murder by a youth in a small suburb of the UK.  The drama uses the tragedy to delve into the themes of violence, misogyny, bullying, isolation, inter-generational trauma and shines a light on how men deal with this subject matter. The show itself was raw and stark. It revealed how ones’ concept of male identity can become a devastating weapon when manifested both internally and externally.

The series affected me in a dramatic way. The production value of the piece was completely different than a usual TV show. Each episode was shot continuously in one take (like a play) and that drew the viewer in and made the emotional themes far more powerful. It forced me to look in the mirror and really look at my own relationship with what it means to be a man in today’s world. The last episode touched me deeply both as a father and as someone who has dealt with a traumatic family event. Tears were flowing freely upon its conclusion. 

Our industry has indeed made some small strides in the area of mental health. Some of our turfgrass partners have made it part of their marketing campaigns in recent years thereby helping to elevate the importance of mental wellness as part of overall well being, and this is a very good thing. Personally, I have seen it first hand with feedback from my own writing, speaking and social media posts. There are many men who have reached out to me thanking me for bringing the importance of mental well being into the open. Many spoke about how opening up the conversation surrounding mental health gave them permission to get the help they need. But for every one story like this, I know full well that there are still many who suffer in silence. It needn’t be this way.

How can we raise the bar and take the necessary steps to open the conversation up even more? How can we once again turn the spotlight on mental health and help men get the help they need?

Here are a few ideas:

Re-open the Conversation
One of the single biggest assets we have within our industry is our ability to pick up the phone and call someone for agronomy support… but we also have to remember to reach out to others when we are struggling with our mental well being. Sharing our difficulties with someone who is trustworthy can begin to alleviate the stress of a situation almost immediately. This can be a particularly difficult concept for men, who oftentimes default to silence and keep things bottled up (present company included). The relief and weight that is removed by sharing your difficulties with someone who fully understands your plight is powerful medicine.

Vulnerability
Following on the heels of the first point, practicing the vulnerability required to open up about personal difficulties is easier said than done. When men take the opportunity to reach out for care and support it can show others that the willingness to be vulnerable can be a powerful practice with significant mental and physical health benefits. Admitting that we don’t always know the answer, that we are worn out, or that we are not ok mentally are key factors in changing things for the better. Focusing on our emotional intelligence and allowing ourselves to open up, even a little, can shift the narrative in powerfully beneficial ways. 

Sharing our difficulties with someone who is trustworthy can begin to alleviate the stress of a situation almost immediately...

Inter-generational Wounds
People oftentimes have a complex relationship with how they were brought up and men are no exception to this. Unfortunately, some men have had a particularly difficult past, checkered with abuse and pain. Others can claim that their upbringing was relatively benign, but if we look a little deeper, we can often see that there were difficulties that influenced the development of unskilled coping mechanisms. Even just mimicking our parents’ coping mechanism of choice can be enough to cause unskillful inter-generational patterns to continue. This is not meant to demonize our parents or ourselves or disrespect their or our parental abilities. After all, most were doing the best they could with what they were given by their parents in the context of the culture they were raised in.  And so on. Practicing inner friendliness and forgiveness can help so much at this stage.

When we look at the culturally held notions of what it means to be a man, we can oftentimes see where our current viewpoints originated from. If we are being honest, many of these patterns of behavior that follow from that were designed to take power away from women. When we hold these patterns up to the light, we can begin to honestly ask ourselves if we want to continue living this way. The greatest gift we can give our children and loved ones is to interrupt and shift harmful inter-generational patterns, replacing them with increased awareness and caring to ourselves and others. This too is powerful medicine.

Perceived Weakness
Unfortunately there are still many men who feel that opening up and sharing mental health difficulties is somehow weak or a personality defect. Men have been taught to largely ignore their emotions, put their heads down and keep grinding. This mentality only serves as fuel for the difficulties and leads to worse mental and physical outcomes down the road. 

Nothing about suffering with mental health problems is rooted in weakness. Bearing the burden of mental health issues in silence takes a tremendous amount of courage and resilience. Showing up each day shouldering this backpack full of pain is no easy task. Some of the strongest people I know have lived the majority of their lives suffering tremendously with mental health difficulties.

It’s also not weak when one finally finds a deeper strength within themselves or through the caring concern of a loved one or workmate to admit they could benefit from support and seek out help. Walking through the door of a clinic or therapists office can be one of the single most courageous acts any human can perform. So let’s dispel this myth of weakness. Let’s make it safe for men (and all folks) to seek out help when it is needed and let’s all let go of this worn out trope.

In an industry dominated by men, it can be difficult to begin conversations surrounding mental well being. It’s only from a sense of fear and ignorance that others ridicule and demean those who choose to speak out and support those in need. 

It’s only from a sense of fear and ignorance that others ridicule and demean those who choose to speak out and support those in need...

It’s time for a shift in the narrative. It’s time for us to stop “manning up” and instead begin to open up. 

If we are going to move this industry to a healthier more sustainable place, we need to address this issue head on. Allowing it to slink back into the shadows only allows it to fester and old and unhelpful stories to grow stronger. What we resist persists. When something is bothering us or we are simply worn out by our lives the common response, (instead of embracing vulnerability), is to try hard to pretend it’s nothing, telling everyone that, “I’m fine.” 

Let me tell you from years of pretending, it’s a losing proposition.

As we move into the home stretch of the toughest part of the summer, let’s commit to taking some extra time to focus on our own well being.

Below I have attached links to some of the articles I mentioned in the beginning of this piece. Please take the time to give them a look. Thanks to all those who took the time to shine a light on this issue, in particular his “bearness”, Mr. Dave Wilber and the newest member of Team TurfNet, Miranda “Moe” Robinson.

• Golf Digest - The Growing and Surprising Mental Health Challenge Facing Golf Superintendents
• Dave Wilber - So How Are You Doing
• Australian Golf Digest - The Crisis Facing Australian Golf
• Golf Monthly - Greenkeeper Mental Health

Thanks for reading and take good care.