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Randy Wilson, Here at the 'Rock

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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

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My Secret Golf Nickname (and how it came to be)

It’s Storytime at Rockbottum CC. During a recent session with Rockbottum Behavior Modification Therapist Dr. Ludell Hogwaller, I experienced a monumental breakthrough. Using his special donut-hypnosis, he uncovered a long buried childhood memory that finally revealed just how I acquired my secret golf nickname–and why I have an unnatural fear of fish, fishing and fishermen. It all began in ’63, when the US Army assigned Dad–or Cap’n Ahab as I called him–to teach ROTC and coach the rifle team

Guest

March 21, 2012

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My Secret Golf Nickname (and how it came to be)

Its Storytime at Rockbottum CC. During a recent session with Rockbottum Behavior Modification Therapist Dr. Ludell Hogwaller, I experienced a monumental breakthrough. Using his special donut-hypnosis, he uncovered a long buried childhood memory that finally revealed just how I acquired my secret golf nicknameand why I have an unnatural fear of fish, fishing and fishermen. It all began in 63, when the US Army assigned Dador Capn Ahab as I called himto teach ROTC and coach the rifle team

March 21, 2012

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Are You Ready For The Water Wars?

As one of the last of the Night Watermen, I have always had a special relationship with water and golf. In fact, to this day, I continue to think of myself as an “irrigation guy” forced by extreme circumstances to serve as a GCS. I get along well with water. I can’t swim in it, due to a genetic predisposition toward sinking, but it’s pretty much all I drink and it does amazingly well as medicine for stomach ailments, dehydration issues and Friday night mistakes. Turf likes water and interestingl

Guest

March 16, 2012

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Are You Ready For The Water Wars?

As one of the last of the Night Watermen, I have always had a special relationship with water and golf. In fact, to this day, I continue to think of myself as an irrigation guy forced by extreme circumstances to serve as a GCS. I get along well with water. I cant swim in it, due to a genetic predisposition toward sinking, but its pretty much all I drink and it does amazingly well as medicine for stomach ailments, dehydration issues and Friday night mistakes. Turf likes water and interestingly en

March 16, 2012

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Who Makes the Purchase Decisions?

An interesting topic popped up on the TurfNet Forum the other day, asking if club managers have more influence on purchasing decisions now than in past years. I gave it several seconds of deep thought and answered “Yes”, but only in my mind, primarily because I’m not intellectually equipped to debate TurfNetters with years of post-graduate work. (My post-grad work at Fort Bragg was limited to a short thesis entitled “Why You Shouldn’t Throw a Grenade up a Staircase”–the effects of the lab expe

Guest

March 12, 2012

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Who Makes the Purchase Decisions?

An interesting topic popped up on the TurfNet Forum the other day, asking if club managers have more influence on purchasing decisions now than in past years. I gave it several seconds of deep thought and answered Yes, but only in my mind, primarily because Im not intellectually equipped to debate TurfNetters with years of post-graduate work. (My post-grad work at Fort Bragg was limited to a short thesis entitled Why You Shouldnt Throw a Grenade up a Staircase -- the effects of the lab experim

March 12, 2012

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Golf and Radical Felinism

Rockbottum CC has never managed to get one of our golf course dogs into the TurfNet Superintendent’s Best Friend Calendar. It’s not like we haven’t tried hard, it’s just that the level of competition is so high. After all, this is the Big One, The Original, The First golf course dog centerfold calendar . . . it should be tough to be selected. We’ve tried everything–bribery and threats, pleading and whining–but nothing has worked. The photos we submitted were apparently intercepted by elemen

Guest

March 7, 2012

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Golf and Radical Felinism

Rockbottum CC has never managed to get one of our golf course dogs into the TurfNet Superintendents Best Friend Calendar. Its not like we havent tried hard, its just that the level of competition is so high. After all, this is the Big One, The Original, The First golf course dog centerfold calendar . . . it should be tough to be selected. Weve tried everything bribery and threats, pleading and whining but nothing has worked. This year, when we realized Bosco and Chopper had been turne

March 7, 2012

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Ball Washer Strategies: The Top 5

It’s almost time to crank big mowers, defibrillate the pump station and check the lawn furniture: The tee bench, the 150 yard barber pole, (the g-rated name) and that most essential of all golfer toys, the ball washer. The ball washer WILL function with smooth precision, whether it is the crank-wheel design that allows the operator to make engine starting noises–or the favorite among those of us with delayed maturity issues, the VPM or Vertical Plunger Model. The VPM, when operated vig

Guest

March 1, 2012

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Ball Washer Strategies: The Top 5

Its almost time to crank big mowers, defibrillate the pump station and check the lawn furniture: The tee bench, the 150 yard barber pole, (the g-rated name) and that most essential of all golfer toys, the ball washer. The ball washer must enter the season perfect and shiny. The ball washer WILL function with smooth precision, whether it is the crank-wheel design that allows the operator to make engine starting noisesor the favorite among those of us with delayed maturity issues, the V

March 1, 2012

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A New Truck for Rockbottum

Skeletal Golf is the driving force that separates Rockbottum CC from other golf courses. I designed and built Rockbottum in 99, according to the teachings of Skeletal Golf, a cult I founded immediately after I lost both of my posterior seating elements in the tech-crash bubble of that same year. Rockbottum was meant to be a low overhead, depression proof course -- because I could see another bubble on the horizon -- and the course is doing very well in these hard times. For those of you wh

February 23, 2012

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The Special Brain Filter

Inside the human brain are all sorts of thoughts and ideas yearning to get out through our unique ability to speak. Releasing all of these ideas can lead to ridicule, bruises, shame and death. Thats why humans, especially the humans that have performed well in the process of natural selection, possess a special filter in the brain that suppresses the release of impractical, soft-headed screwball outbursts. The unfortunate humans born without this special brain filter are subject to unendi

February 17, 2012

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Organic Pest Management

Here at the Rock, we like to think we are progressive, looking to the future and that future includes preparing to manage our golf course with less. Less water, less intensive maintenance, less overall input and more emphasis on coexisting with nature, rather than forcibly subduing the natural world; Rockbottum is not only applying the philosophy of rugged minimalism to golf, we are the trailing edge, the back of the pack. Ludella Hogwaller, although less well known than others in this

February 15, 2012

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Unnecessary Roughness

The Splintered-Interest Good Parent Syndrome is squeezing golf. In our modern world, there are so many things to do, so many activities like watching poker on TV, jumping concrete steps on a skateboard, World of Warcraft, Mixed Martial Arts, arguing on forums, and paralytic frozen immobility triggered by the increased gravitational field near any sofathat golf has lost some of the mystique and glitter that once held our game at the top of the mountain of obsessive pursuits. To further sp

February 14, 2012

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The Best Tee Markers

The best tee markers are... I dont know what they are. I thought I knew what they were, until I started reading a discussion on tee markers that unfolded at high speed on the TurfNet Forum. For years, I favored AITMs, (Angle Iron Tee Markers) short strips of 3 angle iron, due to their low cost and durability. They were easy to paint every year and it was possible to store plenty of replacement AITMs in the event an angry golfer wanted to test their float characteristics or simply see if w

February 11, 2012

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The Valley of Mystery

But there was evil afoot, as we had unknowingly stumbled upon a small kingdom that was under the spell of a powerful golf pro, who reigned from his Pro Castle on the highest peak of the kingdom. He was a pro of extraordinary power, dark and menacing

February 2, 2012

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Crew Management

Once upon a time, I got fired on Christmas Day. . . by a mean, grizzled old course owner who waited until I had performed three years worth of course upgrades and redesigns in one year, increased rounds played by 300% and tripled the stimpmeter reading from 2.5 to 7 feet... and then she fired me on Christmas Day, fully aware that my wife was nine months pregnant. But, hey, it turned out good. If that hadn't happened, the chain of events that led to my learning I was a crew management geniu

January 23, 2012

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Golf course "Archie Texture"

Norm, my biological father, (although he often denied it, due to my tendency to go from 5-under to 5-over in three holes and withdraw from junior tournaments at the turn) dragged me all over Europe and the US serving as his personal golf mule. I didnt know I was a caddie for years, because Dad was thrifty. According to Dad, mules worked for food and caddies got paid. I also served as a migrant golf worker, under the same financial arrangement, a sort of barter agreement, wherein I was allowe

January 15, 2012

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Influences...

Most artists are quick to respond when asked to reveal the influences that shaped their work. Musicians, writers, film directors, actors and painters can normally point to someone who had a powerful effect on their style or method; early influence isn't limited to artists, as surgeons, scientists, athletes and even businessmen almost all have someone who played a role at the beginning. The GCS is a blend of artist and scientist, and I have yet to meet a successful superintendent who cannot

January 10, 2012

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I Learn About Tour Golf...

Shortly after the Auntie Grizz incident, Dad packed us into the old Nash and headed for Dallas. Dad's reason for heading cross-country (remember, this was in the days before interstate highways) involved furthering his golf career by learning the secret of golf from his hero Ben Hogan, who just happened to be playing a tournament down there in Texas. To this day, I am still convinced that rather than visiting with Ben, Dad was actually endeavoring to escape from Great Grandma Mitty and her

January 10, 2012

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My Introduction to Golf

Ive been in golf a long time, but I still remember my first taste of golf. It tasted like persimmon and brass with a hint of fescue. It was in my backyard in Tennessee, circa 1958, and Dad was giving Auntie Grizz a golf lesson. Her real name was Griselda, but Grizz was more fitting, as she was a big, powerful bear of a woman. I was warned, repeatedly, to beware Auntie Grizz and her vicious backswing, but as I was three years old, I had trouble paying attention to instructions. I was also

January 9, 2012

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