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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Oddball Logic

Oddball Logic (OL) has been a problem for me since age 8, when I was unjustly incarcerated in Mrs. Mordor's 3rd Grade Institute for Army Brats born without social skills, color perception, table manners and dancing ability.  Even with all those advantages, I still struggled, for Mrs. Mordors revealed that I was burdened with OL.   The OL sufferer is doomed to a limited future, typically in US Foreign Policy or as an Offensive Coordinator in the NFL, or worse--a network TV programmer.  While OL
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

The Magic Stink-Eye

Are you fed up with surly, disrespectful golfers?  Had enough of those irritating lawyers, bureaucrats, social workers and UN peacekeepers interfering with your disciplinary methods?   If the answer is yes, the The Magic Stink-Eye might be just the thing for you!  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Don't Say It

This is a warning for everyone in golf.  There is a Forbidden Phrase out there and you must not say it.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

10

Chainsaw Maintenance-The Rockbottum Way

While en route to the covert location of the Mystic Order of Greenkeeper's Secret Lodge, we had to do some tree work.   It looked like the perfect time to reveal a few more secrets . . . so in this short film, we show you how to get a razor sharp chainsaw without going through all those Hector procedures.    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

3

Jeb Bush says "Golf is Dying"

Jeb, golf ain't dying.  We're in a period of "contraction", back to where golf would have been without the fiscal steroid injections.  Peter McCormick uses the investor-speak term "correction", a time when value pulls back to more realistic levels.  Golf was healthy and resilient in the 1970s, before the infusion of hype and starry-eyed non-golf investors; now we're in a long, slow correction.   By 2005, golf was as puffed up and helpless as a modern day factory chicken-house resident, unable
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

6

Rockbottum Success Secret #55

When I first entered the golf dimension, things were different.  We existed at the "Pro/Super" level and life, although hectic, was relatively cheerful.  Golf course maintenance and the clubhouse got along very well, with few altercations and overt acts of retaliation.  This was mainly because Dad was both of those entities and he rarely got into fights with his own self, although I managed to perfect that technique later.   I know what you're thinking:  It should have been Supt/Pro rather tha
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Organic Green Whisperer Remix

Before we premiere our new season at Rockbottum CC, we would like to offer our re-mastered short film, "The Organic Green Whisperer".   2015 will see Rockbottum place even more emphasis on organic research, methods of irrigation reduction and image enhancement.  (Not the enhancement that clogs your spam filter)  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Rockbottum's Gift To Superintendents

That Fat Little Elf knows exactly what to leave under the tree at Rockbottum:  A NEW SLINGSHOT AND CHAINSAW ACCESSORIES!   He knows our goal of heavily reduced irrigation, minimal inputs and more rugged grooming standards would not be possible without an aggressive tree pacification program.  In fact, our entire career has been built on turning around troubled courses by introducing sunlight to weak, shady turf.   That's why, as our gift to you, we are re-releasing "Our Very Best Tip Ever",
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Certifiably Sustainable

Two terms, Sustainability and Certified, have grown outside mere definitions and somehow transmogrified into entirely different concepts.  Here at The Rock, Sustainability means, "How long can we keep this up before we go bankrupt or Momma finds out?"   Certified, in our narrow vocabulary, means words on a seed/sod label . . . or what we call Rockbottum admin types shortly after they return from one of those Customer Service pep rallies.   We thought we might better explain these two terms i
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

The Unbalanced Superintendent

Are you unbalanced?  Many superintendents I have met are slightly misaligned, due to an almost evangelical devotion to career.   Some are unaware of how many hours they spend at the course and require some kind of trauma to get back on the family track.  This can include the children failing to recognize their father and mistakenly calling the UPS guy "Daddy".     For me, it was Claire identifying me as an "intruder" for the police.  (She had apparently changed the locks sometime during the
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

1

Rockbottum Rules

Rockbottum Country Club has enjoyed tremendous success, because Rockbottum Rules.   We follow a flexible approach built on years of experience gained as a family of superintendents, pro golfers and bad golf course architecture fixers.     For instance, Rule #1:  We offer weekday walker fees of $10 for 18 holes.  At this price range we don't hear any complaints and we rarely have anyone take us up on the price because most golfers are far too lazy to walk.   Rule #2:  We offer a form of Neo
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Buddy and the Village Idiot

Buddy is a former equipment tech, assistant superintendent, hot rod builder and extra on 'Dallas'.   He was also a fairly capable producer/director until . . . the incident you are about to see.  Nowadays, Buddy refuses to appear on set unless the wrangler has a tranquilizer gun.      
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Actual Member/Homeowner Comments

In support of Tim Bryant's most interesting thread on the TN Forum, "Things You Have Learned", we offer the following collection of actual, true-story comments, suggestions and advice:   These little bits of wisdom were documented by TN members, our crew and one famous superintendent with really great hair.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

Brilliant Career Advice!

To avoid winning the Darwinian Natural Selection Award, widen your skill range and harden up, because times are changing.   Here at the Rock, we are adapting to the evolving environment of modern golf by abandoning our loose, irreverent style and becoming more intellectual.  (I even bought a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches and a Meerschaum pipe.)   Please watch the first intellectual film in our Brilliant Career Advice series.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Wheat Belly vs The Walmartians

Rockbottum University has been studying Wheat Belly for months now and we are prepared to release our premature findings.  The primary researcher/test subject, (me) is a gifted dietary adjustment genius with heavy experience in food crazes, exercise addiction and nutrition conspiracies.    I inherited this disorder from my dad, Norm, a former paratrooper/golf pro/CGCS with a maniacal fixation on diets, vitamins and health supplements dating back to 1964.  Our family regimen involved ingestio
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Opinion Based Pseudo-Science Nonsense

John Reitman's article on the front page of TurfNet is an absolute must-read for anyone in the golf business.   Once again, we have been savaged by the pretend eco-warriors and painted as pesticide-soaked earth molesters.  The time has come to be more animated in our response to propaganda, to adamantly present our positive environmental image to mainstream media.   We need to be more like Anthony Williams and Mark Hoban . . . aggressive environmental action heroes.  We must not allow these
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Drone Use on Golf Courses

The camera platform known in current terms as a "Drone" has more potential than just another way to indulge in Metallica driven action videos.   In the following training film, Buddy explains other ways to utilize the Drone.    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

1

How To Avoid The Bad Foot

I hate bad shoes.  My brother Mike was almost killed by bad shoes.  His after school job selling women's shoes sometimes required him to force size 4 high heels onto size 12 hooves.  One simple detonation could fling shrapnel and clouds of compressed foot gas all over the mall.        I hate bad socks more than bad shoes.  I was almost killed by bad socks.  I remember a particularly grueling 12 mile ruck march in the Ozarks--complete with howling winds and snow--when I ran out of moleskin at m
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

Do You Hear Voices?

I have this voice stuck in my head.  It talks to me every day on the course.  Buddy says if I retire it will go away.  I don't know how much more I can take . . .    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Chainsaw Safety--Guaranteed!

With the recent high profile chainsaw accidents involving Greg Norman and Peter McCormick, it might be time for Mickey McCord to devote an entire training series to chainsaw safety.  While we're waiting on Mickey, I'll reveal the Three Rules of Absolute Chainsaw Safety.   My entire GCS career was based on the chainsaw.  The only golf courses that would hire me were the courses in trouble and they were in trouble because of trees--and bad business practices--but mostly trees.  The previous supe
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

1

Cat Calendar Conspiracy

A couple of years ago, we released a short film about the insidious movement to replace the TurfNet Dog Calendar--The First and Still Champion Golf Course Dog Calendar--with a more diversified version.   Our film was suppressed by a relentless campaign of modern PC brainwashing, using guilt to claim less fortunate animals on the golf course were being ignored.   Quote . . . a conspiracy to force TurfNet to add cats Brian Nettz led a push for the inclusion of goats, Mark Hoban advocated a
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

3

I Have Acquiesced

This is a confession:  I have been the curmudgeonly, gruff old guy relentlessly holding on to the traditional, classic elements of golf.  I have resisted the latest trends, marketing fads and new technology since the appearance of the golf cart.  I fought the insanity of growing bent in The South, battled real estate course design, azalea overdose and the maniacal pursuit of stripes, checkerboards and argyle patterns burnt into bermuda choking overseed in lines so straight that astronauts notice
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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